I'm feeling really sassy today, but I have no one to take it out on since I am sitting alone in Starbucks nowhere near anyone I know waiting for our car to get a 2 years too late car detail. It's a funny thing to say that I feel sassy. It's even funnier to say that I really like it.
The last few months have been, well, the best way to say it is, full of surprises; thus, exhausting. I could sit here and tell you all about the craziness that has made up my life since August. We would be here for awhile, though, and I don't want to ruin people's days or come home to find that you have all gathered to throw me a pity party.
(Although, I never say no to a good party. Does a pity party constitute as a good party? Probably not.)
Now it's time to move on. It's time to face the things that have undoubtedly been difficult and disappointing. It's time to call things what they are and identify what affect they have had on my life, but then to do something about it.
Have you ever read that verse about being quick to complain, quick to criticize, and slow to change? Yeah, me neither. But I am a saint at living it out.
I am so good at making excuses that at times I can't differentiate between feelings that are valid, and ones that push me to avoid changing and learning and growing. It's easier to be vulnerable and identify that I am a little crazy and that I have been a little hurt and to openly talk about it with people than to put on my big kid shoes and take a step to do something to move beyond it. It's not avoidance if you can identify it, right?
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. WRONG.
Also, I'm perfect. So there's that. Most of the things that I am feeling come from other people or outside influences, and couldn't possibly come from within myself. Just in case you were wondering.
Today I guess I am just kind of done feeling tired and I'm just kind of done feeling sad. In the words of the teenagers these days: I can't. I just can't. I can't even.
I know that my feelings are valid and that my experiences have been really painful and have most definitely shaped who I am. BUT, what is it that I am doing with all of that? I don't want to be sad and hurt and disappointed and frustrated forever.
What I want now is wholeness, healing, joy.
And some sass. It kind of makes me feel alive.
Anybody have some big kids shoes I can borrow? Or better yet, that I can have? It's time to start walking.
See you there, I hope. If I make it, let's throw a party. If I don't, be patient, but not too patient, or I'll start throwing out excuses again...and we can all see how far that has gotten me...from sadness to sass.